It is going to happen all across the United States. As college aged freshmen begin December the anticipation of those first grades, final exams and yes…they are going home for that first extended break since leaving home. And, in a tale as old as time, ‘tis the season for tough conversations. But it doesn’t have to be unbearable.
When many of these co-eds left for college they said good-byes not only to families, but to a boyfriend or girlfriend that for some reason did not attend the same college. Many stayed behind to go to junior college, some went to other colleges for a different major and some just did not go to college at all. The dynamics are going to shift and let’s face it, college changes you.
Excitement of dorm life may not be so exciting to one that is still living at home. Jealousy creeps in and suddenly you realize that maybe this is just not the person that you want to spend every night waiting for that marriage proposal… and 4 years is a long time to wait.
You had pledged your undying love to one another, Face Time has been your anchor for the last 4 months and your parents are glad they picked the unlimited plan with their carrier for the endless texts and calls…but you arrive and something feels different. You are not the same person…and neither are they…
It can be uncomfortable at first, he has new friends and hated the Greek system, you on the other hand have accepted your sorority bid, and now have a big sister and great stories of your socials with KA, ATO and Pike. That scene can also work the other way around, and that’s OK: people grow and evolve.
The lesson to learn is this, college can change you in different ways. You may decide to “date” other people. You may take a break. The important coaching I can give to that co-ed that may be ready to move on is to be sensitive, authentic and open about how a relationship has to compromise and possibly move forward or not. If you return home and your feelings have changed and you want to return to college in January and be single and available, BE SENSITIVE and understand that mixed with the holiday’s a break up can be hard on anyone!
How do you end it with a high school fling? With these few tips:
- Have a open and honest conversation in a private place.
- Do not suddenly use social media to flaunt your new “singleness”
- Do not use language that attacks another person’s character…
For example, instead of, “I don’t want to date you because you did not get a bid to any fraternity…”
Maybe say, “I don’t think we are a match but I know you will find your true match one day.”
- Send a letter with all the positive things you learned while dating them.
- Still send that holiday card to parents that may be as broken hearted over losing a high school sweetheart they have framed prom pictures all over their house.
Most important, remember that person just one day may come back into your life so when you end a boyfriend/girlfriend status, do it with class and style.
To schedule a free 30 minute consult with Oxfords newest dating coach, Liz Grant, call 662-336-2220